We're doing all right, Jameson probably a bit better than I. Most days are good, some days are really hard. After a particularly bad night following our appointment at Miami Valley Hospital, Jameson was able to get permission to come home from Seattle early, which I am unbelievably thankful for. Just having him home helped me feel more at ease with the situation and less like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. It was also a blessing because suddenly lots of little things started going wrong: the a/c in my car and the house had to be repaired, my computer started acting up (and temporarily deleting all of my letters to Abby, thankfully Jameson was able to recover them), our sad old lawnmower finally kicked the bucket, my car got a flat tire, and I failed my one-hour glucose test, which means I will have to go back in for a three-hour test to determine whether or not I have gestational diabetes. I'm still not sure what exactly it is that God is trying to teach us, but I feel like he's trying awfully hard.
That's not to say it's all been bad. My mom was able to come out and visit over Mother's Day weekend, which was wonderful. Having her here did a lot to ease my mind and take my focus off of all of the worry. We've also received a lot of love and support from our church community, and a couple of dear friends have offered to throw us a baby shower! I am so looking forward to getting to celebrate Abby's upcoming arrival and all of the fun, normal things that come with having a baby.
|Me and mom over Mother's Day weekend|
We had our fetal MRI this past Monday, but have yet to hear anything about the results, and Jameson was able to briefly speak with the neurosurgeon at Dayton Children's hospital. Unfortunately it doesn't sound as though we'll be able to actually meet with him and start devising a plan for Abby's treatment until after she's born. Our MFM, Dr. Wenckus, had warned us that this might happen, but I'd been hopeful that we might be able to get going on things.
With everything that's been going on, I've been really affected by certain songs and words of wisdom I've come across. Jameson's dad sent us this just this morning:
I thought of y'all this morning as I read this beautiful prose from Jean Vanier in his book "The Broken Body: Journey to Wholeness."
"Only God, the artist of life,
can make an object that is living,
with whom it is possible to enter into dialogue.
Yet through procreation, God gives to man and woman
the power to transmit life.
But in doing so they act, not as artists,
but as humble instruments of nature.
The child that will be born is of their flesh;
they will be able to enter into relationship with the child,
but they cannot create a child of their dreams.
They can only receive the child that is given to them."
It helps to be reminded that God does have a plan for Abby - one that we do no yet know or understand, but that is ultimately out of our control...and that's ok.