Tuesday, November 24, 2015

1st Heartiversary and the Houston Saga

Sometimes, real superheroes live in the hearts of small children fighting big battles.


Dear Abby,

Today is a pretty emotional day for our little family: it is the first anniversary of your open heart surgery, in which Dr. Bryant closed your ASD and PDA. If I'm being totally honest, all of last November was quite trying, and remembering it a year later has been emotional on the whole. I will never forget the moment when Dr. Bryant came into your CICU room just days before your operation to tell us that not only was he not sure that this operation would improve your overall quality of life, he wasn't even sure that the operation would get you out of the hospital.  We had to try though.  Your respiratory episodes were getting more severe and more frequent, and your work of breathing had noticeably deteriorated. It was thought that it could be because of the holes in your heart, which he could fix, or it could be a byproduct of your hypertrophy and suspected airway issues.  Honestly nobody was sure.  But God watched over you and Dr. Bryant, and though the period immediately post-op was quite taxing, not only did the operation get you out of the hospital, it left you able to grow and develop in ways your body couldn't previously allow because of how hard it was working to keep everything simply functioning.

Only a few days ago we feared that this week may hold another heart surgery for you.  Thankfully, your team of doctors (which includes quite a few more nowadays) decided it was not yet time to have to face that fight again. We get to keep you at home, snuggling, playing, and hopefully celebrating an uneventful holiday season!

We are so in awe of how far you've come and how much you've conquered this past year. You fought through a life-threatening event mere days after your heart surgery, an additional procedure to repair the sternal wires that were damaged during that event, countless tests and procedures, a bajillion appointments and therapy sessions, as well as a cross-country move! You are absolutely amazing. As always, we don't know where the future will lead us, but today we are so thrilled to have you here with us and able to celebrate your miraculous journey. 

We love you so much, baby bird - our heart warrior!!!!

Love,
Your Mommy




__________________________________

The Houston Saga:

I made a harried post documenting our whirlwind trip to Houston last week, which I wanted to delve into in further detail.

After completing multiple echocardiograms in the last month that seemed to suggest that Aberdeen's hypertrophy was getting exponentially worse, we scheduled a surgical consult with the cardiothoracic surgeons at Texas Children's Hospital to discuss what options there were for Aberdeen at this time.

We ended up having to precede that visit with a trip to the San Antonio Children's ER last Monday night after Aberdeen spent a whole day presenting symptoms of what could have been heart failure (increased work of breathing, lethargy, sweating, etc). Naturally, by the time we reached the ER that evening, Abby had decided she was over whatever had ailed her and was acting 100% fine.  Such a stinker.  They sent us home and told us to follow-up with her local cardiologist the following day.  We did, but he said that as long as she was acting fine, we could keep her home until her scheduled appointment in Houston the following day.  She continued to behave herself, so we hit the road Wednesday morning and arrived to her appointment a full hour early!

Upon arrival at TCH, we were told that her appointment had been cancelled, because they had received word from San Antonio Children's that Abby was being transferred from their facility directly to the TCH CVICU.  We were obviously confused, considering that we'd been sent home from San Antonio Children's and were never even admitted.  No one seems to know where the breakdown in communication happened, but we were quickly assured that her appointment slot had not been filled, and we would be seen by the surgeon as previously scheduled.  We sat in the exam room for three hours after having vitals taken (we'd actually been sitting for four hours, thanks to our super-punctuality), without anyone ever coming to check on us. After some prodding on our parts, we were encouraged to go get some food, as it was still going to be quite a bit.  When we returned from dinner, we talked to one of the nurses (who was wonderful) about what could possibly be going on.  She explained that this surgeon was extremely meticulous in his consults and gave each family as much time as they needed to discuss and explore every option out there.  Cool.  We like anal-retentive people, especially if they're going to be potentially performing surgery on our child.  But good grief, it had been a long time to keep a 15 month old confined to either the car seat, exam table, or our increasingly tired arms.  Abby handled it like a champ though, thanks to some toys supplied by another awesome nurse.  Five hours after her appointment time, we finally met with the surgical team, who started things off by apologizing that our appointment slot had been filled after the mix-up with San Antonio.  Cue the confusion again, as we were told this HAD NOT happened.  Anyway....

The team was very thorough, as promised, but ultimately left us pretty crestfallen. Aberdeen's condition simply isn't one that is easily fixed, by any means.  The first option we discussed was a septal myectomy (removal of excess heart muscle).  I've explained previously about the thickened muscle associated with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy - here's the thing though, it isn't thickened normal muscle, the cells of the muscle itself are different, and even if they remove the muscle that is blocking the outflow from their heart, they cannot change the cell structure associated with hypertrophy.  That means it can grow back, and no matter how much muscle is removed, it wont reduce her risk for life-threatening arrhythmias and sudden cardiac death.  The surgeon explained that the risks of the surgery itself may outweigh the benefits.  He also explained that her size really impedes his ability to remove any muscle effectively at this point.  Ideally, they like to wait on this sort of operation until late childhood, once the aortic valve is large enough to use an entrance point to the left ventricle.  Meh.

The next option we discussed was heart transplant.  We'd been warned in the past that many facilities refuse to perform transplants on patients with Noonan's Syndrome because of the likelihood that things will not turn out favorably.  However, we know of a family whose son with Noonan's received a heart transplant at TCH in the last couple of years and is doing well, so we thought this was as good a chance as we were going to get if transplant became necessary.  However, because of Aberdeen's ongoing cranial issues and airway problems, the surgeon was not convinced that she would be a good transplant candidate.  While it felt as though he was saying that she wasn't worth trying it on, the more I thought about it, the more I think he was trying to say that she simply wouldn't make it through the process. Meh again.  However, Dr. Bryant wasn't sure her first surgery would make a difference for her and it absolutely did.

They essentially said that there were no good options, and with her not having consistent symptoms at this time, they wouldn't recommend any surgical interventions right now.  They did recommend sticking around Houston until Thursday to meet with the cardiomyopathy team to get their take on things and have another echo and EKG performed.  

We left (at 8:15 after a supposed 2:00 appointment) and crashed at a nearby hotel until her appointment the next day. On our way out we asked one of our new nurse friends about the whole filled-appointment thing, and she said that our appointment had NOT been filled. They'd scheduled four consults for that day; when ours was cancelled, they were down to three, and when ours was reinstated they were only back to four again. Ugh, whatever.

Day Two: Aberdeen received her echo and EKG right on schedule and a member from the cardiomyopathy team was in shortly to discuss the results with us.  The gradient associated with her left ventricular outflow obstruction was still quite high, however, it was nowhere near as high as the readings she'd received at her two echoes here in San Antonio.  In fact, it is almost exactly where it was when we she was last seen in Cincinnati in August.  CUE SO MUCH CONFUSION. The cardiomyopathy doctor drew us a lovely picture of Aberdeen's heart and explained that in the case of the two local echoes, the "gnarly" (his word, not mine) regurgitation across the mitral valve (also not good, but not as concerning as other things), was contaminating the measurement used to obtain her gradient. So, it didn't magically get better, the echo was simply being read incorrectly.  While this sounded like good news to us, ultimately it didn't make one bit of difference from the cardiomyopathy team's perspective.  They have literally NEVER cared about that gradient number - which we've always found hard to believe, I mean, they have to consider the quantitative data relevant at some point, right?  Nope.  Not at all.  The effects of HCM are truly a case by case thing.   One person may be horribly symptomatic with a gradient of only 50, while another completely asymptomatic with a gradient well over 200.  They really, truly only care about Aberdeen's symptoms, especially considering that there wasn't anything on the echo suggesting that she was experiencing pulmonary hypertension.  They do care about that potential for pulmonary edema and hypertension a lot though, and because of that actually felt like any muscle removed during a myectomy could have a very positive impact if she were indeed symptomatic.  We found this encouraging: if she does become consistently symptomatic, maybe there is an option we can try, outside of transplant.

While the cardiomyopathy docs made it very clear that the change in perception regarding her gradient number didn't matter to them, it does feel different for us.  We'd begun to feel like we were on a runaway train that was hurtling toward a brick wall.  Now, it feels like we're on a train that's going a little too fast for comfort with an unreliable conductor that may or may not run the train into a wall at some point.  Which feels...a little better, I guess? I don't feel as panicky, and am crying less than I was a week ago, so that seems good.

We left Houston with a Holter Monitor (a 24 EKG, essentially, to make sure she isn't having arrhythmia issues, as we may need to adjust her meds if that's the case) and plans to follow up in a month (with a local cardiologist visit - sans echo - in between).  I'm still concerned about some out-of-the-norm behaviors she's been exhibiting off and on, in addition to the fact that she hasn't really gained any weight in the last two months, when she had been steadily gaining since her heart surgery a year ago.  Ultimately, we'll just have to wait and see how she does though.  Going into Houston, I thought that sounded like the worse possible option - waiting.  Now, however, I'm okay with it.  I feel like everyone is on the same page now and she's being very closely monitored.  We're just going to enjoy our Thanksgiving and all of the wonderful moments we get with our precious girl!



Thursday, November 19, 2015

Consults in Houston

We had Aberdeen's surgical consult at TCH yesterday. It was a very long, disappointing day. We're sticking around Houston today for some more appointments and I will update here as we know more. Abby's still acting like her spunky, smiley self, for which we are so grateful.

From Facebook last night:

Well, very little today went as hoped. Due to some confusing circumstances, we ended up waiting 5 hours past Aberdeen's scheduled appointment to actually be seen by the surgeon. He essentially said that there are no good options. They can try the myectomy, but because of her size, they really won't be able to remove much of the thickened muscle. And while removing what they can MAY reduce the risk of things like pulmonary hypertension, it won't reduce the risk of sudden cardiac death, arrhythmias, etc. Because of everything else she has going on (ongoing cranial issues, sleep apnea), he's not convinced she'd make a good transplant candidate. We've scheduled a last minute echo for tomorrow and will hopefully meet with the cardiomyopathy docs to get their take on things and determine if they think she needs to be monitored inpatient. We're pretty heartbroken right now and hoping for even a smidgen of better news tomorrow.

Update after today's appointments:

We just finished up with our appointments in Houston. You want to hear something completely baffling? It turns out, Aberdeen's left ventricular outflow gradient is no different than it was when we left Cincinnati...it never was. Her first echo here read a little higher than 100 because she was being a fuss-bucket, but the two really high, panic-inducing readings from the local cardiologist were inaccurate. Aberdeen's heart is a confusing place, and the regurgitation across her mitral valve (whose numbers can be quite high) was being mistaken for the gradient across the aortic valve (the outflow from the left ventricle). Apparently it was an understandable mistake given Aberdeen's anatomy, and we should only be doing echoes with a cardiomyopathy specialist from now on.
Just as the cardiomyopathy docs have always told us, the gradient number doesn't really matter, her clinical symptoms do, but it DOES mean that her condition isn't worsening at an exponential rate. It doesn't actually change anything the surgeon said yesterday - if she becomes symptomatic tomorrow, we'll still be in the same place we thought we were yesterday, but because she is currently mostly asymptomatic (she's had a weird day here and there that have given us pause, but her symptoms haven't been consistent so far) it isn't a discussion we have to have TODAY. Which we'll take.
They've upped her beta-blockers and are doing a Holter to make sure there aren't any underlying arrhythmias, and we'll follow up with TCH again in a month. We have to keep an eye out for all of the same symptoms of heart failure we always have, but I think I'll at least sleep a teensy bit better tonight.
Thank you so so much for all of the prayers and positive thoughts coming Aberdeen's way. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

15 Months Old!


Aberdeen is 15 months old today!!! That's right, today - look at me being all on time and stuff. She has gained all sorts of skills in the last month: giving kisses, making kissy noises, brushing her hair, and standing while hanging onto things for brief periods (without my help!). She loves waving at everyone and showing them how big she is. She is now just under 20lbs and is cutting a few teeth - oof. 

Things have been going really well in all of her therapies! We've taken a new approach with feeding therapy: everything is on her terms. She isn't actually eating anything by mouth yet, but she is playing with the food and occasionally even bringing it to her mouth, which is a huge step forward. Us trying to feed her was always a disaster, so if we can get her to a place where she is actually interested in the food, maybe we'll have a chance at making some progress. We aren't sure of how effectively she is swallowing these days, but we'll get to that in time. OT and PT are happy with all of the strides she's making as well!

The following pictures somewhat capture how active she is nowadays: much more interested in grabbing the camera than cooperating, haha.



We got to celebrate Halloween at home this year! Yay! She was teething and had a cold, but we still had fun getting her dressed up and walking to a couple of neighbors' houses (since it was still quite warm out. Oh, Texas). We had a chance to go to a pumpkin patch earlier in the month, and have been generally trying to do all of the things we couldn't last year while she was in the hospital. It was a blast.






On a less stellar note: things with Abby's heart are not going well. We had hoped that her obstruction would at least level out after the jump we saw in her gradient at her echo last month. Instead, however, it increased at an even faster rate, and is now in the 170s (it was 140 last month). We've been told that if her gradient were to reach 200, she would almost definitely be showing signs of heart failure. We are getting scarily close to that number now, and nobody is happy about it. We are so thankful that she's been asymptomatic up to this point, but we're now worried that with how significant her obstruction has become, if she were to start showing symptoms of heart failure, things could deteriorate quickly. Our local cardiologist called Texas Children's to update them on her echo findings, and they are working on getting us scheduled for a surgical consult. We really aren't sure what they're going to say. We're hoping that they'll be amenable to the idea of the myectomy (removing some of the thickened muscle), though last month they felt that she was still too small, and she really hasn't grown much since then. If this is still not an option, we may talk transplant, or they may tell us that we just have to wait and hope that by the time she becomes symptomatic she'll have grown to a more favorable size. We do not like the idea of rolling the dice and keeping our fingers crossed (option 3). When Abby does things she doesn't mess around. With the increasing obstruction, there also becomes an increased risk for an arrhythmia, and our local cardiologist doesn't know if we'd get a second chance if she went into ventricular tachycardia (such fun conversations we get to have).

wish I could say that we are holding up great under the circumstances, but I have to admit, we're really stressed out and nervous about what comes next. We're really, really hoping TCH will have a proactive option.





 




Tuesday, October 13, 2015

14 Months Old!


Aberdeen is 14 months old toda...errr...this past Saturday. I have been terrible about keeping up
with these updates, for which I apologize. Truth be told, this move has been hard for me, and in trying to regain my balance, I've let some things fall by the wayside. I completely failed to send out thank yous for Aberdeen's birthday, which is inexcusable, and I continually forget to update y'all on our goings-on. I hope to fall into a groove sooner rather than later, but until then, please excuse my slacking.

We have taken Aberdeen to a lot of medical appointments in the last three weeks. Seriously, like, at least 20. We ran into some issues shortly before moving out here with the way we'd organized her care, but everything has worked out satisfactorily. We are seeing most of her specialists in San Antonio, but because she requires special anesthesia that is not administered by all anesthesiologists at all facilities, anything sedated/surgical will need to be done at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, approximately 3 hours away. Because of this, we are seeing cardiologists in both San Antonio and Houston (we still needed a local contact to follow Abby between Houston visits), and will be making the trek out to TCH for all craniofacial/neurosurg appointments. So far I am pleased with the providers we've met - which I think is just about all of them - and we've gotten hooked into a great facility for Abby's therapies. 



Aberdeen has made this transition much more smoothly than I, and seems to be doing well overall. Unfortunately her echocardiograms suggest otherwise. The measure of obstruction of her left ventricular outflow is called a gradient. Aberdeen's gradient was approximately 80 when we left the hospital last January. In August, it was sitting around 100. As of last week, it is now at 140. This is not good. Our local cardiologist said that if he had his druthers, we would be moving toward surgical intervention in a matter of weeks, and would certainly have something done by the end of the year. The cardiomyopathy teams at both TCH and Cincinnati think we still need to wait. They agree that the number is concerning, but because she isn't showing clinical signs of being in distress or heart failure, it's important to get as much size on her as possible before going forward with another open heart surgery. This operation (septal myectomy) would involve the surgeon entering the heart through the aortic valve in order to remove the overgrowth of muscle from the ventricular septum. Right now, her aortic valve is very small because she is very small. The bigger she gets, the better the chances that this surgery will be effective. Right now, we're thinking this will probably have to happen in the Spring. Until then, we will continue with what we've been doing (meds, CPAP, etc), while being very mindful of Aberdeen's breathing and behavior. Our local cardiologist, being the more nervous of our team, will be following her on a monthly basis - which I don't mind at all. I'm glad the cardiomyopathy group is comfortable with watching and waiting, but I don't mind having someone breathing down their necks at the same time.

This first image shows the difference between a normal heart and one with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy - you can see how much thicker the muscle in the center of the heart is.


This next image is the difference between a heart with non-obstructive septal hypertrophy and one (like Abby's) with obstructive hypertrophy (aorta - aka red tube at the top of the heart - is blocked). If blood can't effectively leave the heart due to obstruction, it eventually backs up into the lungs, which is bad.


As far as all of her other specialties go, we're pretty much in maintenance mode. Most things are going pretty smoothly, and anything that may require addressing (i.e. neurosurg) is taking a back seat to cardiological concerns. 

At home, Aberdeen is really doing well. She has more room in this house to roll around, and had definitely started using it as a means of transportation. She has started babbling up a storm - she went from having no consonants to having at least 4 in about a month's time. She is even saying mama! It doesn't always seem to be in reference to me, but I'll take it! We're working on her transitions between laying down and sitting, and are working toward getting her standing without our help as well. We've been doing lots of hanging out with our friends and family here in Texas, and Abby has been very patient as we continue to get the house in working order. 



To sum up: we are very concerned about Aberdeen's heart, but happy with how she's behaving overall, I am stressed about pretty much all the things, Jameson is settling into his new job nicely, and the dogs are just happy the couches are back. :)

For your enjoyment, some pictures of the progress on the house...




Saturday, September 19, 2015

13 Months Old, Texas, and 1st Cranioversary!



Aberdeen is now 13 months old!!! I know I'm late on this post, but it's for a good reason! Today is not only our first day in our new home in Texas, but it's also the first anniversary of Aberdeen's cranial surgery!  

As I watch Abby playing and laughing today, it's humbling to think that one year ago we were spending our first time anxiously waiting on B3 while Aberdeen was in surgery. While the experience was excruciating - we thought she would be having cranial surgery at about six months of age, not a mere five weeks old - I know that without it, we would have a very different daughter than we have today. Her poor little brain was so locked in by her fused cranial sutures that it couldn't grow the way it needed to without removing parts of her skull. Because she also has Noonan Syndrome, the neurosurgeon ran into some unforeseen complications - prompting him to say that the painstaking nature of the surgery figuratively shaved a year off of his life. I love the expression on his face every time he sees her now though, you can tell he's pretty pleased with himself - as he should be! There was no guarantee that Abby would be as interactive and present as she is without his concerted efforts. 

September 18, 2014

September 19, 2014

September 26, 2014

September 29, 2014

We went to Aberdeen's 1 year post-op follow-up about a week and a half ago and learned that eventually she will need another surgery to release the sutures that have refused since her first surgery (both coronals), but hopefully not for another year or so. He also said that we can consider her a helmet graduate!!! Her bones have healed enough that the helmet won't do much more at this point, so we can be done with it! Yay! They were thrilled with how playful and active she was - signs that her brain is not currently under undue pressure. 



We had a number of other follow-ups we had to check off before we could head down to Texas - all going similarly to neurosurg: some good news, some not so good news, doctors very happy with how she's acting. We finally completed all of her appointments last Friday, spent a week planning and packing, and boarded Abby's very first airplane flight yesterday!



It was a long, slightly stressful day, but all in all things went very smoothly and we made it safely to Texas.



We have been enjoying reconnecting with friends and family and look forward to what Texas holds for us (appointments begin on Monday)!



September 19, 2015


Monday, August 24, 2015

Spending the day in the OR

They just took Abby back for a barrage of procedures - triple scope (a joint effort by ENT, GI, and pulmonary), echocardiogram, and ABR (routine hearing test). The triple scope is to help determine if there are any structural explanations for Abby's sleep apnea that may need to be surgically addressed, while the echocardiogram will help determine the current state of Abby's heart - specifically her ventricular outflow obstruction. She'll be under anesthesia for the next three or so hours. I will update here as we receive information. 

Update 2:30pm: 
Triple scope completed. 
ENT and pulm saw narrowing of Aberdeen's airways as well as mild laryngomalacia and pharyngomalacia (floppiness of the larynx and pharyngeal wall). This explains Abby's obstructive sleep apnea: when relaxed, Abby's airway flops shut and obstructs her breathing. Because Abby desatted so severely last time she was scoped (back in November), they had to intubate her and weren't able to get a full view of her airway. Luckily, she cooperated this time and they were able to complete the picture! There is nothing recommended surgically at this point (thankfully), she just has to grow out of it. She will continue on CPAP for the foreseeable future. Everything looked fine from a GI front. 

Update 3:30pm:
ABR completed.
Hearing appears fine overall. Some fluid in left ear causing mild conductive hearing loss. It's the sort of thing that could clear up on its own, or we might have to address down the road. We'll follow-up with audiology in Texas. 

Update 4:30pm:
In recovery.
Abby is currently recovering in the post anesthesia care unit. She is a little slow coming off of the sedatives, but overall is doing well. She should be moved to the cardiology unit soon, where we will most likely spend the night.

Update 8:30pm:
Abby is doing well. She is clearly exhausted and not very pleased about all of the goings on today, but she ended up coming off the sedatives smoothly and will be kept on the cardiac floor overnight for observation. Assuming all goes well, we should be going home tomorrow.

Update 10:30am Tuesday:
We're home!
Aberdeen did great overnight and was completely back to her normal, spunky self this morning, so they let us leave! Her echocardiogram came back looking about the same as the last one did - so, not great, but at least it wasn't worse! We still have a number of appointments to tackle in the next couple of weeks, but things are looking good for Abby's ability to move! 


Monday, August 10, 2015

ONE YEAR OLD!!!!!



Dear Aberdeen,
My beautiful Abby, baby bird, today you are one.  ONE!!!!!

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!!!

This past year has been the most challenging, fulfilling, heart-breaking, and glorious twelve months I have ever experienced, and I am so thankful that today we get to celebrate you! Frequently, when people remark on how quickly they feel their child’s first year went by, I have no idea what they are talking about.  It feels like your first six months lasted approximately four years, and the latter six months lasted about a year.  By that approximation, you are now five years old!  There are even some days it seems like you've always been here.  Either way – one year, five years, or forever, today is your day, Abbycakes.





As I look at you today, I am overwhelmed with the memories that this past year helped create and all the myriad emotions that come with them. I realize how dramatic that sounds, but I cannot think of a better way to put it.  I am amazed that you are still here and so incredibly proud of everything you have accomplished.  I can’t help but remember how tumultuous this day was a year ago: You were on your way here.  I had already been in some form of labor for over 24 hours and was very anxious for you to arrive so that we could begin what we knew would be a complicated journey.  We had no idea how complicated, but we knew that we loved you and were going to face whatever we needed to, head-on.  When you finally entered the world at 9:30pm (all 42 hours of labor, 7lbs 6oz, and 19.5in of you) and we were told shortly after that you might not make it through the night, I think I could actually feel myself falling apart. I didn't understand, couldn't cope with what I was hearing, and went into some version of shock.  We got a brief chance to see you, tell you we loved you, before the doctors ushered us out of the NICU, telling us the night would be taken hour by hour. But you made it.  And slowly, over the next year, I put myself back together.  I watched you survive, and thrive, and conquer.  You survived, and so would I. 






There are still days where I begin to feel myself unravel at the smallest provocation.  Sometimes all it takes is a sweet nuzzle of your head against my neck or a glimpse of your angelic sleeping face, and I feel my throat start to tighten and my thoughts begin to get muddled.  If there is anything that first night of your life taught me, it is that we must treasure every day, every moment we get with you.  Nobody can predict how many more moments they will get with their loved ones, and while it was a painful lesson to learn, I am glad that we learned it so early.  It makes everyday with you a little more beautiful, more memorable.  Maybe we’ll get to spend another twenty years treasuring each smile, laugh, and tear, and maybe we won’t, but I know that because we almost didn’t get a first day, that I will not let a single subsequent day go by without marveling at the absolute miracle that we were blessed with. You.




As we celebrate you, on this anniversary of your birth, the words that I think best describe you are: vivacious, affectionate, determined, playful, and opinionated. Your sparkly personality becomes more apparent with every passing day. Aberdeen, as of today, you have four teeth and are sitting completely on your own for short bursts – it helps if you have something really awesome, like your own reflection, to entertain you.  You are even starting to bear weight through your legs! You continue to love rolling around and playing peek-a-boo, and you have recently started dancing along to the music that it’s always been very obvious you enjoyed.  You bounce up and down and shake your head back and forth, cracking up at how deliciously fun it all is.




You have also compiled quite the list of accomplishments outside the realm of the average one-year-old.  You have faced four major surgeries, as well as a number of other sedated procedures, three sleep studies (one just last night), three MRIs, and a few CT scans. Along with those, you can add about a hundred hours of therapy, and countless echocardiograms, ultrasounds, and x-rays to your list of achievements. While I revel in dressing you up in fun headbands, you also proudly wear your helmet, eye patches, g-tube paraphernalia, and CPAP mask.

We celebrated your birthday with family and friends this past Saturday. It was wonderful to see so many of the people who have supported us throughout the year. I was worried that you would be overwhelmed and fussy, but you did wonderfully!!!! You smiled and played for all but the birthday song, and I think everyone had a genuinely good time! 





This next month or so is going to be busy, busy, busy! We are trying to touch base with all of your many specialists before we begin our new adventure in Texas! While I am very worried about leaving your amazing team of doctors here, I pray that we will find an equally wonderful team between San Antonio and Texas Children's. It does not currently look like we'll be able to do everything in one place, the way we've managed here (TCH is great, but a couple hours away from where we'll be living), but we'll make it work. Before we can leave, ENT, pulmonary, GI, and cardiology will be joining forces for a group of sedated procedures on the 24th of this month. Hopefully we'll get good news on all fronts! 

I hope that you know how proud your daddy and I are of you – how much we love you and how incredibly thankful we are to have you in our lives.  You are such a valuable, special person, Aberdeen. You are our world. 

I have no idea what the next year will hold for us.  I hope that it will be filled with trips to the river at our new home in Texas.  Maybe it will bring crawling or first words. I’ll pray constantly that it requires fewer days in the hospital.  If this past year is any indication though, I’m sure that it will be anything but boring.  You, my little spitfire, are NEVER boring.

Happiest of birthdays, my baby girl.

Love,

Your Mommy

________________________________

Aberdeen,
I can honestly say that I inaccurately predicted every single moment of the past year. That hasn’t always been a bad thing, but also not always good. I have routinely felt like I merely want to survive the next 24 hours with you. You’re a lot. When you were born at 2130 EDT at Miami-Valley Hospital in Dayton Ohio, I thought I had narrowed down the “things I didn’t know” about your first year. I wasn’t so naive that I thought I would get it all right, but I did think that I would get something right. Nope.

My feelings for you are super complicated. I cry when you giggle sometimes, laugh when you pout, and feel fear for your future. Lately, you’ve taken to giggling when I try to make funny noises on your neck. That’s pretty awesome. You listen to me when I read you books or when I make noises that aren’t just mimicry of your “eh” noises. You are really here and in the moment. I’m trying to be more present for you.

Last night the two of us spent the night in the hospital at CCHMC. I felt a lot of things, because it will likely be the last night that I spend at CCHMC in quite a long time. It’s a place that has given you so much and I’m so thankful towards it, but last night they were putting cold stuff on your head and straps around your body, etc. The whole time you were crying and staring right at me. I know it was the right thing for them to be doing to you, but your face was asking me to stop them, asking me why I was letting them do it. Yep, that was a lot.

You calmed down and went to sleep soon after, but I spent the whole night waiting for something to go wrong. I technically slept for 6 hrs (according to my super awesome Microsoft Band), but what it couldn’t tell was that my mind and heart was focused four feet away to where you laid. And I just realized that’s what the last 365 days has been, me sleeping somewhere else, but my mind and heart were always laying right next to you.

I’m proud to be your father Aberdeen, for the last 8,760 hours (a full 8,756 more than we might have had). I am thankful to my Savior for letting me meet you this way. I continues to correct me and make me stretch. I am forever grateful for you, my Aberdeen Wren.

From,
Dad