Sunday, January 4, 2015

21 Weeks Old

Abby had another seizure this morning. None of her seizures have been the grand mal type you typically picture. Rather, they're localized to a small section of her body - Thursday, it was her face and hand; today, her feet. Neurology was able to come by and see it happening and confirmed what it was. Naturally, she made it through her 36 hours of EEG with no problems, was discharged from the CICU, and THEN had another one. Usually they don't allow patients having seizures to stay in the step-down unit, but since her vitals are stable, they're having her stay for now. 

After Thursday's event, we were simply exhausted. Every time something new pops up for Abby, it drains us. There were already enough things for her to contend with, and having to watch her have to go through something additional, and support her through it, zaps us of our energy. Today, I am very upset. I just don't understand why such a sweet, helpless, completely inoffensive person should have to go through what she's going through. Please do not quote scripture to me on this point, it is not comforting, and does not bring me to some epiphanous place where my child's suffering suddenly makes perfect sense. Maybe someday, it will become clear. Maybe someday, I'll understand with a patient, thankful heart. Right now though, I'm lost somewhere between devastated and furious. I just want her to not have to struggle through every single day. I want that for all of these kids here. I just don't get it.


  1. Your feelings are valid. And while nothing we may say will bring you the peace in this moment, just know that Abby and her amazing parents are loved and supported all over this world.

    I don't know that her suffering will ever "make sense," but I hope that there will come a day very soon when you all have some peace.

    My heart aches for you. Your family is in my constant thoughts and prayers, Bethany.

  2. It is senseless. That is the nature of suffering.

  3. I am so very sorry.... I can understand your feelings, as I have had them. I, too have been questioning the "why". I have also experienced feelings of anger, regarding our oldest daughter becoming blind at the age of 24.
    " Why"???? I have no words.... My heart breaks when I see her struggle.... Please know that you are not alone with your feelings... Sending a big hug!

  4. :( Our hearts break for Abby and the sweet kiddos that suffer with her. As a parent, you wish you could take it all away, and take it on yourself, whatever the affliction may be. So difficult to watch your baby suffer. Prayers and love.